My Idea of Poetry

I always go through other people’s stuff if the opportunity presents itself. Today was more fun than usual because I was going through my own stuff and I found a poem I wrote my first year of college for my creative writing class. It’s about dating and I completely made it up the night before I was supposed to read it in class. Disclaimer – this never happened to me (yet) Here it is in all its glory:

Blind Date

We sat down at the unoriginal Chinese restaurant

And I analyzed his appearance.

I was Picasso and he was a shitty painting.

I saw everything that needed to be fixed.

His brown hair was too short, but that would grow.

His nose was too narrow, but his blue eyes made up for that.

His head seemed a bit big for his body, but once we

Were married, I would make him go to the gym.

I thought I could get past his physical appearance,

But once he began to speak, I saw that his ultimate

Downfall was everything that came out of his mouth;

Including the occasional piece of rice.

By the time dessert came, I could hear his pants

Beginning to unbutton. He had consumed the

Amount of food necessary to feed a baby elephant.

But baby elephants are cute.

My mind was drifting toward laundry and world peace

When something he said captured my diminishing attention.

C.E.O.

It felt like a combination of eating cake and having sex.

Our kids would be decent looking and I would get to quit

My job. I looked at his round belly and his uneven beard.

Baby elephants are cute.

if-you-dont-want-to-date-me-thats-fine

I also vaguely remember writing a poem personifying vodka, so I’ll try to dig up that one soon.

Sorry for Being a D-bag

I have been so terrible for not posting in like over 10 days, but finals are swallowing me whole. Like a shark. I’m getting swallowed alive by a shark and have to live in the shark’s belly for about 7 more days until I can start posting regularly again. Please forgive me. I promise to write another poem for you all. I created this wine-induced poem in my head about my unnatural affection toward my ugg boots that I will share with you after my finals are over. Until then, here is this amazing (more amazing if you’ve watched all 5 seasons of Breaking Bad) gif:

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