How I feel about the fact that tomorrow is monday


I would be just as upset if I dropped my ice cream. I really identify with her pain.

Also I have a mini story: So on Friday I went out with my friends and we went to a few different parties. I come home at around 2 am by myself and I don’t have a roommate so no one was around to see the following sequence of events. My room is super messy because before I go out, I try on at least 15 different outfits even though I know exactly what everything looks like on me and somehow I still end up feeling like I have nothing to wear. Anyway, I chose an outfit, but the other 14 outfits that I did not wear were scattered throughout my room and were mainly on my floor. So I walk in, and I trip over a shoe I think (the memory is a little fuzzy because….well because vodka) and I go down HARD, but somehow I only fell on the right side of my body. Anyway, I’m on the floor and of course I think this is hilarious, so just picture a girl on the floor, alone in a room, laughing hysterically. On a completely related note, every time I fall, NO ONE is around to see it. I have the greatest luck in the world when it comes to tripping and falling (or falling halfway down the stairs which I’ve also done, but I won’t get into that right now). Happy (but sad) almost Monday.

wine gummies and more wine

In honor of Wine Wednesday, I bring you Wine Gummies. I feel like this is the only thing that I could make without ruining it, mostly because I have a lot of experience drinking wine and eating gummy bears.

Because it’s Wine Wednesday, I guess I will tell one of my wine drinking stories/disasters (depends on how you look at it really). So it was New Years Eve and I knew my mom was going to attempt to cook a huge dinner (she literally never cooks. she makes lasagna once a year and is so lazy and I’ve been grocery shopping since I was born. She attempts to cook when people come over though. She’s going to kill me when she reads this so if I stop posting things and disappear, you will know who did it).  Anyway, I didn’t eat much all day in preparation for this meal, but she put out the wine and champagne as a sort of appetizer before she started cooking, so I was drunk by 7:00 pm. Also, the five other people at the small gathering (my mother included) also started drinking and were drunk by around 8, so dinner did not end up ever being made. It was cheese, crackers, 8 bottles of wine and 6 dysfunctional “adults.” I know what you’re thinking. ‘How can they be having fun at a New Year’s Eve gathering without Dance Dance Revolution?” Well don’t you worry my friends, someone (for some odd reason) had this game and everything went downhill from there. Suddenly, booties that shouldn’t have been shaking were shaken, the robot turned into the I’m-too-drunk-to-stand-bot and projectile vomit was inevitably being spewed onto various toilet rims throughout the house. Needless to say, I passed out before the ball dropped and woke up feeling as disappointed as I felt when I heard that Kim Kardashian was naming her baby after a compass (or something like that).

Hope this helped with your appetite. Bon appetite bitchez.


Pick up line competition

So I was in the dining hall yesterday and I think it’s important to tell you that I generally dress a little bummy. I was wearing a big grey sweatshirt that said Michigan on it (even though I don’t go to Michigan University), leggings, and uggs. Standard apparel for a female college student. So this guy comes up to me and I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me and he says “Excuse me, grey sweatshirt (yeah that’s what he called me).” And I said “yes?” With a straight face he says, “Do you know what my sweatshirt is made out of?” And I thought he was actually asking me about the material and I responded “I don’t know. But probably the same material mine is made out of because they look pretty similar.” Then he asked me again, “Do you know what my sweatshirt is made out of? Feel it.” And at this point I was confused because I had just informed him what I thought about his sweater. So I felt his sweater and he says, “It’s made out of boyfriend material.” This was very upsetting to me because I had actually heard this pick up line before and I was disappointed in myself for not picking up on it right away. In my head, I was all “damn he got me.” Then, I said “Oh. Good one,” and kept my face straight as a fucking ironing board to express that I was unimpressed. He pulls out his phone and asked if he could have my number and I said “No.” and walked away (because I was late for class and to establish my dominance.)

So anyway, I wanted to hear some pick up lines from you all! Post your best/worst/offensive pick up lines in the comments!!

Just to prove how cliche this pick up line was: #unoriginal

How I felt about the boy after the encounter:


The pick up line I would love to use in the near future: