Although this isn’t something that bothers me regularly, I have always had a fear of someone viewing my internet history. It’s usually comprised of highly idiotic google searches (i.e. do dolphins have nostrils? or can I mix benodryl with vodka?) But sometimes I search things that would make me look criminally insane if seen out of context or without an explanation. So to address my fear and for your entertainment, I have decided to explain my internet history and google searches from earlier this week:
“Shia LaBeouf” Life – Rob Cantor
This video is actually hysterical and I highly recommend watching it. I was trying to show it to my sister. She didn’t end up understanding why I thought it was funny. She’s clearly not as funny as I think I am.
Putting Butter in Your Coffee
I searched this because I was at my friend’s house and he was making coffee. He was all “taste this.” I tasted it and it tasted different than normal coffee, but I didn’t think anything of it. Then he asked me if I liked it and I said yes. I was skeptical of his facial expression so I asked what he put in it and he told me he added butter instead of creamer or milk, so I searched it on google to see if this was his idea or if it was already a thing in the real world. It’s a thing. A disgusting sounding thing.
I have no idea why I searched this. I don’t even want a plaid skirt.
I went to a comedy show when I was in Los Angeles for Winter Break and she was one of the comedians. SHE’S HILARIOUS. I was trying to find her twitter and located it successfully. Cha – Ching!
How does Stephen Hawking have sex?
My mom and I had just finished watching “The Theory of Everything.” She wondered aloud how he and his wife had sex (since they popped out like 8 kids), so I googled it. Not going to spoil this one for you.
‘Friends’ Theme Song Lyrics
I have been watching ‘Friends’ religiously and whenever I would sing along to the theme song, there was always one line that I couldn’t understand. It was the line that says “Your job’s a joke, you’re broke, your love life’s DOA.” I didn’t understand the DOA part, so I had been making up different words that sounded similar to DOA until I googled the lyrics. That’s how I learned that DOA stands for Dead on Arrival — which, by the way, is not a good adjective for your love life. (but happy almost valentine’s day)
Is Benadryl Stronger Than Nyquil
I got sick and was trying to find a drug that would knock me out for 8 hours straight since I kept waking up not being able to breathe in the middle of the night. Benadryl is the way to go.
I wanted to tweet “I’m not fat, I ate my twin in utero.” But I kept spelling it ‘eutero’ and didn’t understand why my phone said I was spelling it wrong. Now I understand, but my IQ is just as low as it was before I learned that.
I was trying to order sushi and the menu said the ‘crazy roll’ had caviar on it, but for some reason I kept picturing calamari and didn’t fully comprehend how that would fit into the sushi roll that I wanted. Caviar are those little orange balls that don’t taste like anything. They put them on top of sushi to make it look pretty (I assume). I’m not sure what the point of caviar is. I guess I’ll google it later.
P.S. I’m considering dropping out of school to be a sushi chef. That way, I won’t have to wait 45 minutes for someone to bring it to me.
what bitch? I’m ready.
Nixer Mixers: The Top 10 Drinking Dangers
I stumbled upon this article because I was trying to determine if it would be a poor choice to mix alcohol with Sudafed (I had a cold. But that generally doesn’t prevent me from attending parties). Just so you know, you totally can and nothing bad will happen. However, you’re only allowed to buy a certain amount at a time since you can go all Walter White and make meth with it.
Jennifer Anniston’s Workout
I was watching ‘Friends’ again and trying to figure out how to get my arms to look like Jennifer Anniston’s. Her bod is perfection.
Street Names of Cocaine
Let’s get something straight – I don’t associate with drugs of any kind. However, since I’m in college, I figured it would be helpful to know the street names of common collegiate drugs. Here are some of the code names for cocaine: Nose Candy, Snow, White Pony, Crack (which isn’t very conspicuous if you ask me).
Calories in Fried Oreo
I ate three fried oreos last night and was trying to figure out if I had to go to the gym or not. I didn’t end up going to the gym, but it was well over 300 calories that went straight to my thighs.
Tune in next time to read about my google searches regarding valentine’s day drinking games! ❤