My New Career Path

I frequently have quarter life crises’ that result in me eating a lot of carbs. Usually, these ‘meltdowns’ or as I like to call them, periods of enlightenment revolve around my future. I am a sophomore in college and am constantly in search of what everyone else wants: money and happiness. Hopefully those two aren’t mutually exclusive. In other words, I want to make a shit ton of money doing something I like. Since professional wine drinker is ruled out for obvious reasons (mainly, I just don’t know how to make people pay me for it), I searched ‘most fun jobs’ on google and here are some of the results:

But first, me trying to get my life together:

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Wine Maker

Totally legit and right in my field of expertise. Except I know nothing about wine. My mom taught me to choose wine by how aesthetically pleasing the label is. Thanks mom. Screen Shot 2014-12-18 at 5.28.03 PM

Ferrari Driving Instructor

I could do this if more people trusted me with heavy machinery. Unfortunately, I’m really not the best driver. I’m the one who gets pulled over for driving too slow.

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Magician

No. I’m not creepy enough for this. I’m also not coordinated enough. No one would trust me to chop them in half with a saw while they’re inside a box.

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Chocolatier

HELL YES. I can see myself like those chefs on the Lindor truffle commercials twirling liquid chocolate and shit. The only down side is that I would put on a few lbs. WHATEVER BITCHES. I’m going to be a Chocolatier.

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Start off your morning with clogged arteries

First of all, you’re welcome. Secondly, I vow to post healthier things as well but this is one of the first things I saw this morning and now I can’t stop thinking about it. Its like me and this piece of cake have known each other for years. I can’t explain our love to you. You just won’t understand. “Tati and Cake:” A Love Story Featuring Mostly Tati (because the cake will be gone as soon as tati gets her fatass hands on it).

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Recipe: http://www.bhg.com/recipe/brownies/fudge-ripple-turtle-brownies/?socsrc=bhgpin061212