Productive Procrastination

I’m telling myself that I’m taking a break from studying. But I think the outside world calls it procrastination.┬áSo I’m sorry I lied again. My pants are totally on fire. I’m probably not going to be posting any less than usual. I’ve literally been inside all day, except when I went to one class and then went to Starbucks to get an iced-triple-grande-soy-caramel-macchiato. So in case you ever want to bring me Starbucks, just be aware that my drink will take three minutes to explain to the barrista. Anyway, other than those two isolated incidences, I have been cooped up in the “lounge” in my dorm. I put lounge in quotations because they’re trying to disguise our basement as something fancier than it is. Like when lean cuisine disguises itself as a gourmet meal. It is not a lounge and if I had a great-grandmother, this is what her house would feel like. Although, my sanity is diminishing, I now know a hell of a lot more about Consumer Media Culture than I did four hours ago. Just wanted to share some pics for #winewednesday even though I don’t have any wine to help me study!

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dream come true

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Also, I’m not sure what mulled wine is, but the picture makes it look like something I need, so here’s the recipe:

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http://www.gimmesomeoven.com/mulled-wine-recipe/

Wine for Dinner Makes You Fun-er

Hello friends. I’m going through a tough time right now so I will not be able to post as often. Yes, you guessed it. I have MIDTERMS. They’re mostly just until the end of this week so bare with me. If you miss me too much, keep harassing me through the comments section. Also, please send wine to help me take my exams. Or money. Or a male model with biceps as big as my face. Or a chocolate fountain with some strawberries on the side. Or a personal sushi chef who is originally from Japan.

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Happy Wine Wednesday <3<3

Amanda bynes: crazy is the new cool

My friend Zoe and I were having a super intellectual conversation regarding Amanda Bynes and her mental breakdown via Twitter. And I brought up how much it would suck to be the person that has to force people to go to the hospital and I think my logic behind that is pretty clear. They’re like people who nag but multiply that by a billion since they’re forcing you to go to the hospital. (So consider your mom nagging you to eat your vegetables a blessing.) And Zoe said said they probably lie a lot and have contests about who can tell the best lie. These are some of the lies we came up with:

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Motivational Mondays

So I want to try out this new thing where I take conventional/relatively well known sayings or quotes and add my own spin on them. I shall call it motivational Mondays. Ironically, my comments will most likely strongly detract from the motivational aspect of the quote. Also, every other Monday, I’ll post a few for you guys to add in your own little comments. Here are some examples:

Anthony Robbins: “the past does not equal the future.”

EXCEPT HERPES

Albert Einstein: “imagination is more important than knowledge.”

You’re right, I’m not going to memorize the periodic table for my Chem exam, I’m going to imagine what it looks like. The answers will come to me.

C.S Lewis: you are never too old to set a new goal or dream a new dream.

when I’m 90, my goal will be to not shit my pants. My dream will be to make it to bingo on time.

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How I feel about the fact that tomorrow is monday

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I would be just as upset if I dropped my ice cream. I really identify with her pain.

Also I have a mini story: So on Friday I went out with my friends and we went to a few different parties. I come home at around 2 am by myself and I don’t have a roommate so no one was around to see the following sequence of events. My room is super messy because before I go out, I try on at least 15 different outfits even though I know exactly what everything looks like on me and somehow I still end up feeling like I have nothing to wear. Anyway, I chose an outfit, but the other 14 outfits that I did not wear were scattered throughout my room and were mainly on my floor. So I walk in, and I trip over a shoe I think (the memory is a little fuzzy because….well because vodka) and I go down HARD, but somehow I only fell on the right side of my body. Anyway, I’m on the floor and of course I think this is hilarious, so just picture a girl on the floor, alone in a room, laughing hysterically. On a completely related note, every time I fall, NO ONE is around to see it. I have the greatest luck in the world when it comes to tripping and falling (or falling halfway down the stairs which I’ve also done, but I won’t get into that right now). Happy (but sad) almost Monday.

Sit, stay, look terrified

I don’t know why, but this picture makes me laugh to the point of tears every time I see it. This cat constantly has the “you just walked in on me watching porn” face. If I were the owner, I would put him on various odd surfaces and make him sit down, like the kitchen counter or my boss’s work desk. His butt print would be all over the place. In other news, I’m on the search to kidnap this cat and make him my own. I will let you all know if I accomplish this mission.

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Pick up line competition

So I was in the dining hall yesterday and I think it’s important to tell you that I generally dress a little bummy. I was wearing a big grey sweatshirt that said Michigan on it (even though I don’t go to Michigan University), leggings, and uggs. Standard apparel for a female college student. So this guy comes up to me and I don’t know him and he doesn’t know me and he says “Excuse me, grey sweatshirt (yeah that’s what he called me).” And I said “yes?” With a straight face he says, “Do you know what my sweatshirt is made out of?” And I thought he was actually asking me about the material and I responded “I don’t know. But probably the same material mine is made out of because they look pretty similar.” Then he asked me again, “Do you know what my sweatshirt is made out of? Feel it.” And at this point I was confused because I had just informed him what I thought about his sweater. So I felt his sweater and he says, “It’s made out of boyfriend material.” This was very upsetting to me because I had actually heard this pick up line before and I was disappointed in myself for not picking up on it right away. In my head, I was all “damn he got me.” Then, I said “Oh. Good one,” and kept my face straight as a fucking ironing board to express that I was unimpressed. He pulls out his phone and asked if he could have my number and I said “No.” and walked away (because I was late for class and to establish my dominance.)

So anyway, I wanted to hear some pick up lines from you all! Post your best/worst/offensive pick up lines in the comments!!

Just to prove how cliche this pick up line was: #unoriginal

How I felt about the boy after the encounter:

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The pick up line I would love to use in the near future:

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