Britney Spears has taught us a lot since the 90s. I thought it would be fun to examine her Transformation for Transformation Tuesday and lifelong lessons that we can all cherish. Here’s what Britney has taught us over the years:
1) It’s good to start your career off being adorable and with a considerable amount of clothing.
2) Wearing pigtails while insisting on your lack of innocence will in fact benefit your career.
3) A camel toe will rarely detract from a woman’s overall hotness. She also confirms our fear that we would have to go on a serious diet in order to live in outer space during the 90s.
4) Snakes are a great sub-accessory to your belly button piercing.
5) Wow. Really Justin? Those sunglasses? Come on now. (Not sure about the life lesson to be learned here).
6) You do not need Tarzan to be Jane.
7) Debunking the myth that all flight attendants are unattractive.
8) Debunking the other myth that you need to put clothes on before going to work, taking casual Fridays to a whole new level.
9) The guy who prides himself on his Ed Hardy T-Shirt collection will make a good life partner.
10) You can still look cute during mental breakdowns. Hubba Hubba Brit, I’d swipe right.
11) Future Britney would not swipe right on past Britney.
12) Umbrellas double as baseball bats.
13) It’s cool to mix Xanax and vodka before your VMA performance. It will help keep your lip-syncing on track.
14) Teaching elephants to sit, stay and roll over is sexy.
15) Being sexy is sexy. You can wear whatever you want in your teens and 20s as long as you make up for it by looking like this in your 30s. I am willing to forgive the denim on denim thing featured earlier in this post.
A special thanks to Britney. Her song “You Drive Me Crazy” led to a lot of embarrassing choreographed videos starring my sister and I during 2003. And her other song “Work Bitch,” gets me through most of my workouts. Brit approves.